The maid of honor just puked.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
