so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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