Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
