Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
