Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
