This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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