Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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