I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
she smelled like a LAN party
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
