dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
