Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
