Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
