I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
