even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Can you bring me the toilet please
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
