dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
