bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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