He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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