Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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