Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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