god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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