woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
is wine microwaveable?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
