What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
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