just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
