we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
