We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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