peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
