LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
