he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
