Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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