i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
