Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
she peed on how many people?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Randomize
