I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
