You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
