Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I want her autograph on my taint
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
