I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
