he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
