Im at strip club and am horny
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
