Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
