I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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