similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
