I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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