and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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