I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
this just has baby written all over it
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
