I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
