Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
