It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
