I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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