is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
