I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
