I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
