so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
