I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
