you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
