it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
