Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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