stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
