I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
