Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
