BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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