you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
