So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He felt like a one man threesome
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Randomize
