I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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