Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
